Writing

Big Persephone Energy

/ Devon L. Miller / Leave a comment
Two pomegranates and six pomegranate seeds
Big Persephone Energy,
Colored pencil and watercolor on paper

Persephone. Both the Goddess of Spring and the Queen of the Underworld. I have Big Persephone Energy, and I don’t just say that as a Lore Olympus fan*. Being of mixed race, I’ve been between two worlds from the very start. I was born into two worlds and fit into neither, and that does something to a girl’s energy.

And then, having been raised so very religious (a horror about which I have previously written), I always harbored a naughty fantasy of being the day-living princess taken by the dark prince. I voraciously consumed any story that referenced or retold the Hades and Persephone myth. Like maybe Persephone and her modern counterparts were having way more fun than I’d ever had. Of course, I felt guilty for even considering such a thing, but consider it I did. (The start of a toxic obsession with bad boys that lasted for way longer than it was cute, but that’s a whole other set of confessions.)

Anyway, do I want to see your bright field of flowers? Yes. Am I drawn to the cemetery at the edge of it, dark and overgrown with twisted brush so sinister in appearance that might have sprung from Hell itself? Also, yes. I paint pictures of pretty flowers and I write morbid tales.

Even my tattoos reflect my respect for duality.

And then there’s my career: corporate tech writer by day; dark fiction writer (and a creative in general) any time I’m not on company time.

How Did I Get Here?

I have a degree in Integrative Arts, but a girl needs to eat. A friend advised me that if I wanted to pay off the past (student loans), prepare for the future (retirement, ha!), and have any kind of fun in the moment (vacation, what?), the creative roles I was pursuing weren’t ever going to pay for it, and that I should try technical writing because tech jobs always pay more. And I didn’t have to do it forever, just until I was in a better financial situation.

I took that friend’s advice, and it turned out that I was a pretty good technical writer. And not just that; technical writing was refreshing in a way, too, because it’s clean and straight forward. As a technical writer, I just need to be accurate and concise while adhering to the given style guide. Easy stuff in comparison to world building and character development. And, perhaps because I work from home, I adapted well to the corporate environment. People valued my opinions and what I could do for the company. In truth, becoming a successful corporate technical writer was far easier than trying to be a dark fiction writer, and for far more money than I’d ever seen as a creative. And because I’d already put my book out (more on that coming soon), perhaps I’d already left my creative mark on the world. Why shouldn’t things be easy and lucrative for a while?

I was comfortable.

I fell asleep.

For a decade.

Persephone in Perpetuity?

The thing about waking up and getting back out there and rebuilding a creative community of artists and writers that I look up to and think of as successful is that I get to hear just how many of them talk about their day jobs. It seems that no one gets to quit their day job anymore.

No worries. Maybe I’ll find a creative day job. It won’t pay as much, of course, but my financial situation isn’t what it used to be. Maybe I don’t need to make that kind of money anymore. Well, AI didn’t take my current job, but it did take most of the jobs I would have wanted to go back to. Those jobs never paid much, but now they barely exist. And what I really want to do won’t be found on LinkedIn anyway. I have to build it for myself.

But I also need to fund it.

So, when it comes to my career, in line with every other aspect of my life, I will likely be Persephone in perpetuity. I’ll earn a paycheck working in the day-living corporate world, but when I’m done? I’m a dark fiction writer who’s been gone too long. It’s time for me to return to the Underworld where I belong.

*Wanna help a girl eat? Buy Lore Olympus through my Bookshop.org Affiliate shop and I'll earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase.

Art Note:

The author drinking a Pom
Leaning in to my Big Persephone Energy

While I was researching at Google University to remind myself of how many pomegranate seeds Persephone ate in the Underworld so that I could represent that in the painting, I found that there was some debate about it. I don’t know why I thought I recalled from my freshman level Classics courses that she’d had two, but since ‘two’ was not one of the numbers in the debate, I ultimately landed on six.

But it got me thinking, and I don’t believe there’s any scholarly source to back this (feel free to drop any links that either crush or confirm my musings in the comments), but I like to think that while Persephone spent the winter with Hades and the summer with Demeter, spring and fall were hers. That she had the spring to do all of her goddess stuff before even thinking of dealing with her mother, and the fall to get some rest before returning to her husband.

Oh! Did I mention that my husband and my mother share a birthday?

Yeah.

I’ve got Big Persephone Energy.

Don’t Call it a Comeback

/ Devon L. Miller / Leave a comment

Except that it kind of is. Maybe? I dunno. At least, that’s the way I’m treating it. And I wanted to start clean and fresh like someone who cares as much about her creative career as her corporate one.

First, I cleaned out the archives. Do you know I’ve been here since 2009 and only posted 73 times? Wild! Anyway, while doing this cleaning, I noticed some patterns. I have quite the history of:

  • Disappearing
  • Announcing projects that then fizzle
  • Blogging to blog (I don’t think anyone cares about marshmallow peep s’mores, but the post is still here just in case.)

These patterns emerged because I’d been operating with no goal and no focus. What the hell is this site? Well, this site is a place where I’ll talk about my creative life. So, I addressed the archives with that in mind. As a result, very little content older than 2015 survived the purge and much of what did is set to private. Internal only, as we say in my corporate life.

So, what can you see?

New header image

I’ve never studied art history, but I did have fun looking for (public domain) images of classic art showing women writing to make this composite image.

Classic art images of women writing
Composite of classic art images from L to R: Portrait of a Young Lady, Master of the Female Half-Lengths, Active 1430s – 1440s. Allegory of Rhetoric, Artemisia Gentileschi, c. 1650. Portrait of a Lady Seated at a Writing Table, Wearing a Blue Dress with a White Sash, Nicolas Mignard, 1653. Phyllis Wheatly engraving (colorized), Attributed to Scipio Moorhead American, 1773.

New profile picture

Big shout out to my husband for his patience in helping me get the perfect “woman writing” profile picture to go with my new header image.

And speaking of images…

I finally fixed the alt text on public posts so that they’re ADA and WCAG compliant. I want my site to be accessible to all.

And one last reminder: I will NEVER use AI to create content. Content will always be created by me (or another human who will also not use AI to “create”).

The Promise

/ Devon L. Miller / 2 Comments
Drawing of a sad robot

The robots are innocent. So far anyway. AI has no more say in its existence than humans do in ours (none of us asked to be born). But now that it’s here, it has amazing potential for bettering the human experience. It also has amazing potential for harm. And, It all comes down to how humans are using it, which is the real problem I have with AI: watching people run rampant, forgetting – or not implementing at all – the guardrails to ensure ethical and responsible use.

Now, as some readers know, there’s a corporate side to my career (where my focus has been all this time) and talking smack on corporate use of AI isn’t a good career move in a culture that’s racing to embrace it. So, I’m not here to screech about how people are using it.

I’m not going to talk about how much water data centers suck away, or AI’s negative impact on our changing climate, because there are better qualified, more knowledgeable people doing it. Forbes already talked about how AI Is Accelerating the Loss of Our Scarcest Natural Resource: Water and NPR talked about Why the true water footprint of AI is so elusive.

Tragic death isn’t blog fodder, so I’ll let another NPR journalist tell you about AI assisted suicide.

I’m not going to harp on how  AI slop content spreads propaganda like wildfire. Again, NPR provides examples, but also, everyone is talking about it. Hopefully, a child shall lead us in the discussion. Ask any young’un what slop content is, and you’ll find out just how much better they are at spotting it than the grown folks running the show.

Hell, I’m not even going to talk about what the cartoon I drew suggests: AI stealing our dreams. I’ll just introduce you to Tilly Norwood or take you to a robot sporting event. Even the tech bros building the stuff, racing to innovate without thought, are saying So Long to Tech’s Dream Job (which, admittedly, inspires a little schadenfreude, but I’m definitely not going to talk about that).

What I am here to do is make you a promise.

Now, you know I’m not using Gen AI because if I were, I’d probably post more often. It’d be soulless trash, but there’d be more of it. Thing is, I’m not about slinging soulless trash. So, should I ever pay this site the attention it deserves, it will always be me (or a human partner) creating the content. And should I ever get to that fantasy point of success where this space somehow becomes a wonderfully prolific site makin’ money and payin’ bills like a whole damn business, I’ll be paying human creators to contribute.

I will NEVER use robots as an excuse to exploit fellow human beings. And honestly, I wouldn’t do that to the robots, either. I’d hoped that humanity would have evolved into something better before we went ahead creating something in our image, but alas! Much like Mary Shelley’s classic horror story, the creation isn’t the monster; the creator is.

That’s it. Just a quick and simple promise before I disappear again for *mumble, mumble* months.

Freewriting Session 1: January 2023

/ Devon L. Miller / 2 Comments

I’m convinced that any writer who claims they never have writer’s block is probably either a liar or not a very good writer. Those of us who admit to having writer’s block like to share our methods for overcoming it. Because my writer’s block is often brought on by my anxiety, which causes an inability to concentrate, one of my favorite methods to beat the block is a freewriting session.

A quill in an empty inkwell positioned next to a blank notebook page.

For those who don’t know what freewriting is, it’s when you write with no regard to grammar, punctuation, or spelling. You just write. You can use a writing prompt, or not. You can time your session, or not. The only real rule is to just keep writing. Many moons ago, a creative writing teacher put on music in the classroom and told us to write whatever the music evoked and to keep our pens moving until she turned the music off. What was so amazing about that day and that exercise is that, for the whole time, the anxiety and the thoughts I’d been fixated on went quiet. My brain focused on nothing but the music and what I was putting on the page.

Well friends, my anxiety has been bad and, as a result, my productivity low. A good friend introduced me to some new (to me) music. You see where this is going…

The music my friend introduced me to was Hypogeum by The Oracle. I chose track II: The Face in the Shroud because it’s the longest on the album.

So, without any further ado, I present the results of my first freewriting session of the year. (Note: I typed this freewriting session, so spell check kind of automatically did its thing):

***

Each step fell heavier than the last. What if this didn’t work? What if all the effort, and pain, and cleansing, and preparation amounted to…nothing? Would she be permitted to stay? What would a life in the cold, unforgiving wilderness look like if exiled?

All she knew was this life inside these walls with the strict rules meant to prepare her for an ascension. And what was the ascension, really? All of those around her had apparently ascended but were still here. They did walk about with a strange glow in their eyes that indicated a certain knowing of all things. But then, why didn’t they tell her anything?

Another footstep. Another turn through a twisted labyrinth both metaphorical and perfectly real and tangible.

Another footstep. Stomach drops at the glow ahead. This was not the natural glow of a fire, but a pulsing green which quickened to match pace with her heart. She fought to breathe.

Another step; another turn.

The light pulsing in front of her now. Figures she could barely make out. So familiar yesterday, and so strange today.

Why So Quiet?

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“Why so quiet?” asked no one of me, ever. Yet, here I am, writing my semi-regular excuse for neglecting to post a thing in ages. Come to think of it, I wonder what the ratio of actual posts to posts about why I haven’t posted, might be. But I digress…

A photo of fog on a lake reflecting nearby trees in full day but the lighting is dark.
Here’s a picture of fog on a lake for no other reason than that content with images gets more clicks. It doesn’t have a thing to do with this post otherwise.

Why so quiet? A while back, I wrote about how I needed to level up on the corporate side of my career, and I followed through. I made my day job my focus and my priority. I dug in and worked hard. I became more mindful of my tone when pushing back on policies and processes that were…inefficient. And hot damn! The work paid off. An opportunity arose and my name was suggested. I interviewed, and ended up with a dream role, one that I really believed in. I thought I was going to help save the world (as much as a content developer can, anyway). I even did that cliché go-getter thing where I viewed every frustrating challenge as an opportunity to problem solve and showcase my ability, excited to advance my career and do some real good in the world.

And then, without warning, they cut funding to the project and it ended.

Now, if you’re in the business of writing and developing content, particularly in contract situations, you know that this is common. The whole point of contract work is that you’re somewhat disposable, no matter how talented or experienced you are, and dismissal often has more to do with budget than performance. Still, in this case, I was very lucky. A spot opened up on my previous team and I was able to negotiate a transition into that role. I lost a project, but not my job altogether, and during a pandemic when lots of people did lose their jobs, I counted myself blessed and moved on.

But I was still (am still) heartbroken about that project ending.

The only real thing that softened the blow was knowing that my fiction writing was still there, and I still had control over it.

So, the first thing I did was cut mental funding to a project.

The novel I was working on is on hold indefinitely because it read like my own personal therapy session spiced with ample shade at everyone I’ve ever met. The bloodthirsty demon I’d created to splatter gore all over the place did nothing to cover immature writing and hackneyed dreck that my work should have evolved well past by now. Maybe someday, once I’m finished working through all my personal crap, I’ll revisit that piece and make it something worth reading, but today is not that day.

I do have a project I’m actively working on. It began as a short story and has expanded from there. And the more I write, the more ideas I have. I think—and I don’t want to jinx it—but I think it might end up being a worthwhile novel. But that means it’s going to take more time. A lot more time.

And I’m watching the hourglass. I see said time slipping away. I know how long it’s been since I put anything viable out into the world (approx. 6 ½ years at the time of this writing), but y’all…let’s talk about the world for a second.

I am of the belief that for a writer to create a really beautiful piece—poetry or prose, fiction or non-fiction—the writer has to care enough about the human condition to pour all that creative energy into saying the deep, meaningful thing. Well, after the last two years of watching people ignorantly refuse to help protect each other against COVID-19, and the last ALL of my living years of hearing people’s heartless responses to social injustice, and that people are still not doing much about the climate crisis, all I really want to say to humanity is, “F*CK OFF! F*CK RIGHT OFF, RIGHT NOW! Get off my lawn. Lose my number. Delete my email. Don’t find me on the apps.”

And if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

So yeah…that’s why I’ve been so quiet.

My Acting Teacher Was Right About Writing, Too

/ Devon L. Miller / 3 Comments

Each flyer, poster, and playbill on my acting teacher’s office wall represented a show he’d worked on, and the wall was packed. Some prominently displayed items came from university productions and were covered in student autographs, while others came from bigger things—New York and LA things. Though I couldn’t have been more than a college sophomore (and had gone “off to college” the distance of a whole 20 miles), I was convinced that I knew what I wanted in life. A wall like his was on the list, but there was a problem.

My scene performances were falling flat, and though the teacher I visited was neither my advisor, nor the instructor of the class in question, we had a rapport and I trusted his advice above others. Besides, the Theatre Arts department was a small one, so he didn’t have to lead my class to know that some students crossed their fingers to ward against drawing me as a scene partner.

Author's old headshot

One of my old headshots. The fresh face of a young woman who knows exactly what she wants in life. She is, however, wrong.

My teacher and I had a conversation that I now imagine we must have had a million times, that went over my head a million and one: Do you really want to be an actor? Of course, I do! Why else would I be here? And paying tuition, no less! Acting requires both bravery and vulnerability. Well, yeah. I’m standing on stage in front of a crowd of people, vulnerable to judgement and rotten tomatoes. That’s bravery. You’re going to have to find a way to empathize with the character and that might require digging deep and pulling up ugly stuff you don’t want to look at. In the real world, I wouldn’t have auditioned for this role in the first place.

His advice didn’t sink in in time for me to connect with Blanche DuBois, to live truthfully within her given circumstances, and my grade on the scene reflected it. I heard my scene partner got the playing-to-a-brick-wall curve.

Still, much to the dismay of potential scene partners of the future, I performed well enough overall to advance to the next semester’s acting class. Much to their delight, I didn’t last long in the department after that anyway. Halfway through my college career, an acting teacher asked me to drop her class. It should have crushed me, but I’d never been more relieved. I did one better than drop her class and changed my major altogether. If I was going to dig that deep—if I was going to take a character’s hand and let them lead me into some scary place I didn’t want to go, time after time after time, it would be a character I created. I’m a writer, now, I’d chirp, though I knew on some level I always had been. Fade out.

Fade in to the other day. I sat at my computer, frustrated as I ever let myself get without taking a breather. No matter how I wrote, rewrote, and wrote it again, my scene fell flat.

The observant reader knows exactly where this is going: I wasn’t (and am probably still not) digging deeply enough to do the job right. I understand it, now; truly grok it in a way that I hadn’t when I thought I was an actor. I’m working on a novel with a lot of ideas and characters. I don’t necessarily like all of those characters, but to write them correctly, to do any kind of justice to the world I’m building or my protagonist within it, I’m going to have to find a way to empathize with them and dig deep and pull up ugly stuff I don’t want to look at, or it’s all going to keep falling flat.

So, that’s where I am, folks!  I’m pulling up ugly shit I don’t want to look at, and it sucks as much as it sounds like it does. However, it’s what needs to be done to make sure the novel doesn’t suck, and that’s the important part…even if it is taking a bit more time and a bit more out of me than expected.

And maybe, if I work really hard and write a really good book, some interviewer will ask me: So, how much of this character is autobiographical? And maybe, in the most appropriate answer to the question yet, I’ll summon a demon to devour their soul.

On the Importance of Strong Female Characters

/ Devon L. Miller / 3 Comments

Protest sign: Strong female character

Strong female character

I was fortunate enough to attend the Women’s March on Seattle, a sister to the Women’s March on Washington DC. Before I lose you, I have no intention of talking politics in this post. What I am going to talk about is something I can’t believe is still controversial: the importance of strong female characters in fiction.

As I marched with 175,000 other humans (the estimate at the time of this writing), I noticed countless signs referencing some of my favorite female badasses from fiction. I took in multiple nods to space rebels, vampire slayers, and warrior princesses and knew—without a doubt—that every last person who argues that female heroes aren’t interesting or “won’t sell” is absolutely full of shit. I saw little girls in Wonder Woman costumes and Princess/General Leia t-shirts (I was wearing a General Leia shirt myself), and knew—without a doubt—that the strong female characters we see on screen and read about in books really do have an impact on us and how we view ourselves, each other, and our roles in the world around us.

What would General Leia do?

Star Wars themed protest signs

The Force is strong and so are we.

These three signs caught my attention, but you couldn’t swing a pink pussy hat without hitting a Leia Organa reference. Considering that Carrie Fisher was a badass in real life, this is not surprising. If the dead really do get to hang around and see what the living are up to, I’d like to think that she got a giggle from the “Carrie Fisher sent us” sign.

I’d like to think that she’d be proud to be our rebel leader.

Are you ready to be strong?

sfc-pic-2

Fans of Buffy: the Vampire Slayer not only know where the words on this sign come from, but many of us can recite the entire speech—if we can get through it without crying, that is. Submitted for your misty-eyed pleasure:

For people like me who rarely view embedded videos in an article, here are the highlights:

They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power should be our power…From now on every girl in the world who might be a slayer, will be a slayer. Every girl who could have the power, will have the power. Can stand up, will stand up. Slayers, every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?

-Buffy Summers

A whole damn lot of us made our choice and are ready to be strong.

And then there’s this:

sfc-pic-3

The picture says it all.

Xena will always have a special place in my heart. It was a Xena poster I hung on my wall to remind me not to take any shit, particularly from real-life Joxers.

I’ll never forget the time I told a guy that I was a big Xena: Warrior Princess fan and he responded, “You know Xena and Gabrielle are lesbian icons, right?” Well, I hadn’t actually known (naïve me, I guess), but the only troubling thing about finding out was this guy’s tone and his obvious suggestion that there was something shameful about being a lesbian icon. Fuck that noise.

So here’s the thing…

The articles reminding us that one march isn’t enough are already flooding my feeds—as well they should. Marching is great, but there is more work to be done. There are the things we can all do as citizens; then there are the things we can do that are more personal.

I’ve always known that the presence of strong female characters in fiction is important, but this march solidified for me what a great female character can inspire in real life women. As a result, my dedication to writing these characters has been renewed. I intend to contribute as many badass women to the fiction world as I can because…well…I can. And of course, I don’t want to do it in some pandering political way—obvious and boring as hell to read—but in a way that’s honest. A way that inspires.

I suppose I can call it my duty. I prefer to call it my privilege.

This Is Just How It Goes Sometimes

/ Devon L. Miller / 3 Comments

It’s always good to hear from writers when things are going well: when a project has been picked up or published, when momentum is strong and daily word count is high, when there’s sage wisdom to impart. These posts give all of the rest of us hope that we’re not wasting our lives (and advice about what to do when we’re banging our heads on the desk, feeling like we are). These posts are necessary.

Also necessary are the posts that say, “Hey, writing is awesome. It comes with some great rewards, but a lot of the time it’s more like this.” Well…

Hey, writing is awesome. It comes with some great rewards, but a lot of the time it’s more like this:

Let’s talk about those works in progress.

I wasn’t quite done with 13 Morbid Tales when I started keeping notes for a novel. In fact, I often had to remind myself to focus on the task at hand; 13MT had a deadline and the novel did not. Nevertheless, I was chomping at the bit to start typing away at my new—clearly brilliant—idea. So, with 13MT finally finished and out, I sat down and began working on this wonderful new project…

…and it was just bad. It was hackwork wrapped in cliché, skipping down Redundancy Road. I put it aside until I could bring something new and fresh to the table and went back to the drawing board.

It was as if the new idea was already there. It was so much better, so much darker, than the dreck I’d just put aside. Chapter one flowed from my brain through my fingers to the page in record time. This was it! I was on fire! I was telling everybody about it!

Guess how long the cursor has been sitting on the first page of chapter two. Actually, no. Don’t. It’s embarrassing. Also, I think I hate chapter one. “It is not going well, friend. It is not going well,” I answered when a friend asked. I do, however, have some great notes—for a third freaking novel. Yeah.

I’m seriously starting to think that I have a fear of commitment when it comes to writing novels.

Let’s talk about that job search.

I’m still in pursuit of a full time writing job: firing off resumes, applications, and cover letters. In some instances, I’m taking writing tests. Now, I like writing tests. Writing tests are good. They keep me sharp and, since it was literally illegal for me to retain samples from my last writing job, they give me a chance to prove myself in the face of my relatively slim portfolio.

Keeping that in mind, it makes it sting all the more when the writing test doesn’t result in further interviews. I get that job hunts as a whole are full of rejection, hundreds of people applying for the same job. I get that the writing life as a whole is full of rejection, hundreds of manuscripts on the same desk. But holy crow! Combine the two, it’s like Rejection-palooza over here.

I can remind myself that, this is just how it goes sometimes, all day long. Eventually, the doubt sets in and I ask myself why in the world I chose to be a writer. Then I remember that thing I’ve said many times before and will say many times again, “I did not choose the writing life. The writing life chose me.”

And in the end, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

How Does It Feel?

/ Devon L. Miller / Leave a comment

I’ve been getting this question a lot since putting out 13 Morbid Tales. Of course, my very first answer to this question is, “Freakin’ great, dude!” And that’s no lie. The feeling of accomplishment was a high that lasted for weeks. And the support? Oh, sweet lord, the support! As I explained to a friend, I’d prepared myself for bad reviews, hate, and being pelted with rotten tomatoes. The “What If” monsters in my head even led me down a spiraling path that ended in townsfolk chasing me with torches and pitchforks. What I hadn’t prepared myself for was the outpouring of love and support. From people boosting the signal online, to folks hooking me up with events, to all you crazy cats who took awesome pictures of my book in various situations when your copies arrived…I’ve been so overwhelmed with support I’m still on cloud nine and I cannot thank you enough.

Of course, negativity can still come at any time, and a part of me wants to stay vigilant because that crap only gets you when you’re not looking, but the bulk of my torment comes from my own psyche. Surprise, surprise.

That said, there have been some drawbacks in this overwhelmingly positive time. If I’m being completely honest with myself, those are coming from me, too.

One of the greatest accomplishments of my summer (besides moving cross country) was getting active and healthy and into better shape to the tune of approx. 18 lost pounds, two sizes dropped, and sweet, sweet muscle tone. Well let me tell you, it doesn’t take nearly as long to start falling back out of shape again as it does to get into it. I’m not saying that putting my book out completely took over my life; it just provided a whole lot of excuses to skip the gym. Some were even legitimate. But since it occurs to me that I’m not publishing a book this morning, guess where I’m going once this is posted. Gotta nip this ass-in-seat-all-day thing in the bud before all the good I’ve done is undone.

I did drive myself a little nuts reading the book over and over (even though I swore after the final proof that I’d never read it again), allowing myself to get worked up over word choices and that comma I really should have used. I’ve been assured that I’m not the first writer in history to have done this.

In deep contrast, I’ve also had the burning desire to just move on to the next project. Sometimes, it’s really hard to keep your mind on the book that’s already out for the sake of marketing when all you want to do is keep the momentum going and start the next thing. I have started the next thing(s) and am anxious for the day I can do cover reveals and publication announcements for them.

All in all, though, publishing my first book feels great. It’s been a wonderful experience that I’m looking forward to having many more times. And again, I want to thank everyone who has made it so wonderful.

One Day

/ Devon L. Miller / 2 Comments

The author posing in a light blue and white corseted wedding gown made by MayFaire Moon.

Photo Credit: Kelly Rowles,
Pix|elation Photography
(link below)

I am living a lie.

It’s not an interesting lie. I’m not an international spy. I don’t have some second family secreted away in another state. I’m not a princess playing a peasant. No, it’s much more mundane than that. I just had the privilege of learning that the life I’m living is not the life for which I was meant.

Last weekend (so yes, I am a bit late on this post), I had the extreme pleasure of getting to model my gorgeous wedding gown at the MayFaire Moon Corsets and Costumes fashion show at Dorian’s Parlor. On that one day, I met some incredibly talented, beautiful, and overall wonderful people who embrace—no—live their creativity. It was that creativity, buzzing like an alarm clock all around me that woke me up to the fact that I’ve lost my creative self in the day to day life that I’ve been living. On that one day, the Universe bestowed upon me a moment of clarity necessary to change my perspective.

Right now, my life is very much about the daily grind, and getting done with everything that needs to be done to pay bills or keep promises. It’s not that my daily life is that bad.  But what became so clear to me in the presence of all of those fabulous people, is that they truly live their creativity while I always seem to put mine on the back burner. The life I keep telling myself I’m working toward is the one for which I never seem to have time. At the end of the day, after all of the other deadlines and expectations that my daily life requires are met, my own expectations are the only ones I can blow off without any repercussions.

Or can I?

The repercussions are that I’ve not met the goals that I’ve made for myself. Blowing myself off is why 13 Morbid Tales still isn’t finished. Blowing myself off is why I can’t lose that last 10 pounds (okay 15). Blowing myself off is how I’ve created a life in which all I have to look forward to is more of the daily grind that was never meant to be anything more than a means to an end. Blowing myself off is the reason that I look in the mirror and see that I’m a stranger in my own life, feeling trapped like a prisoner by that damned daily grind!  And this goes beyond finding balance. I tell myself that if I’d just “find a balance” all of this would work out, but it doesn’t. Telling myself this lie is just another way of making light of the issue and giving myself permission to blow myself off even further, as if finding balance is a simple fix that I have all the time in the world to make. And while I continue to tell myself this lie, the life I want continues to pass me by.

I’d like to make some declarative statement that “I’m done with this!” and move on, but this is something I frequently struggle with, and I tend to find myself in need of that one day to put it all back into perspective. I am so grateful that every now and then I get that one day to put me back on track. I owe a very special thank you to all of the amazing and creative people in my life who never fail to make that one day possible when I need it the most.

Now for the end-of-blog-post questions we have all come to expect, recognize, and dare I say, love: What is your ideal one day? What kind of things help get you back on track?

Also, please give some love to these fabulous people:

Photography – Pix|elation Photography
Clothing – MayFaire Moon Corsets & Costumes
MUA – The Changeling Room